Spinning Yellow

Just Another Rainy Monday

** Alternate title: Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

It is raining again here.  We had a beautiful weekend, particularly Saturday, where it finally felt like spring.  Scott put on a short-sleeved shirt for school on Friday and complained that it felt strange having his arms exposed.  I've been home all day with my sick, soon to be five years old, daughter.  She had a fever and sniffles and wanted to stay in her pajamas, snuggle and watch TV.

Scott was not happy at. all. that she got to stay home.  He's been griping about everything lately.  I was considering doing a regular feature here called:  What's Scott torqued off about today? but thought that was kind of mean.

In the Groundhog Day version of my life, I get up later than I want to.  Go downstairs where Scott is already awake, watching Sports Center.  While I try to get some coffee, he starts complaining.  "I don't feel well.  I'm tired.  I feel sick.  Can you take my temperature?  I'm hot.  I can't go to school."

My day goes on, I craft blog posts in my head all day, while I do laundry, go to the store, do preschool drop off and pick up, make meals, clean up, blah, blah, blah.  All during the day I think, I will write that tonight.  Then night time comes, the flurry of activity of the afternoon blurring into homework-dinner-cleanup-bedtime.  And all I want to do is also go to sleep.  I have no energy left to write any of the fabulous (you'll have to take my word on it) posts that I worked on inside my head.

I haven't run in over three weeks.  I wanted to try this weekend, to see if it would hurt, but I chickened out.  Today I started the 30 Day Shred DVD.  It was alright, boring but quick.  Jumping jacks in place?  I need a DVD for that?  And I only did it once and I'm already sick of hearing Jillian say, "Those abs don't come for free!"  I'd much rather run, but I need to get back in better shape.  I may switch back to my tried and true The Firm DVDs, but would like to try this for the 30 days first.  I am curious how it will go tomorrow when I am sore.  I am not used to doing a workout on two consecutive days.

I finished The Time Traveler's Wife.  Thanks God.  It was really freaking me out.  I felt like someone was going to appear out of nowhere.  I appreciated the intricate story line, but there were things about the way she wrote that bugged me.  Sharing the story from each character's perspective was critical to developing the plot, but she didn't present each person's voice distinctly.  I found myself confused as to who was narrating, they both sounded the same.  And I have to admit, the idea that he shaped the young girl's life as an older man and then was her husband in "The Present" was a bit icky.  A 40 year old with an 18 year old, just doesn't sit well with me.

One more thing before I go fall into bed, hoping that Jane does not get sick.  I got a new hair dryer yesterday because mine kept shutting off from over-heating.  Such a small thing, but it took less time to dry my hair today and this is Huge for me!  I might even be tempted to wash my hair daily if I can dry it this fast!

It's the little things that matter, the ones that brighten up a Groundhog Day-ish rainy Monday.

Behind the Scenes

The office where my laptop sits charging during the day also has a family computer.  My husband, the techy person in our marriage and also the primary photographer, has a series of photos that rotate as a screen saver on this computer.  Yesterday, he decided to put all the photos in the library into the mix. 

As I've walked by, or quickly stopped to check my e-mail or twitter, these pictures catch my eye.  Years of memories all jumbled up, freezing a moment, then quickly fading away to be replaced by another.  So many pictures.

I am drawn to the photo montage, remembering not just the exact second the camera was snapped, but all that was going on behind the scene.   I see Scott at our old house looking out from his crib and I think of how happy that house made me feel.  How it was the home I bought and then where Matt and I lived when we first got married and Scott was born.  I can smell the powdery scent of the nursery, hear myself singing as I rocked him to sleep.

Two years ago, Thanksgiving here, Scott is helping Matt stuff the turkey.  That was the year I had my 20th high school reunion.  I recall my friends coming over the next morning, I was exhausted, but because I lived here, I was the logical person to have the gathering.  I wanted to talk more coherently, be more present in the moment, but I was concerned about Scott getting along with the other kids.

Jane as a tiny baby, being held by my mother, reminds me of how awful I felt after she was born.  And how sad I was to be away from Scott and Matt and my dog.  How I didn't feel close to her at first.

A birthday party for one of Scott's playgroup friends.  The expression on Scott's face so clear to me now, in retrospect, that he was overwhelmed.  I am flooded with memories of him misbehaving, acting out, having to leave.

A mixed-up chronicle of events, family, friends, places we've visited, the people in our lives, holidays, the house we live in.  I see myself and I feel how my clothes fit.  I instantly remember whether I was uncomfortable, sad, tired, or happy, content.  A glimpse of my hair and I wonder if it looks better now or then.  People look younger, kids so tiny and round, the colors and details more vivid than in my mind.

I recall the minutes, hours, days before the picture was taken.  I think of what was said, the sounds of laughter, the smell of the ocean, the feel of cold, wet, snow.  

Every photo tells its own story.  Often times the moment seems so obvious.  People smiling, blowing out candles, holding a baby, riding in a boat, playing at the beach.  But behind every picture is an entire unknown background.  A history that can only be revealed by the person who experienced all that led up to that exact instance.

I can't help but think about how little we truly know about anyone else's life.  How they feel, what they experience.  How we only see what is revealed to us, what we are capable of knowing.  How one moment, one snapshot, one piece of information is only a tiny part of the whole picture.  We could never understand the context quite like they would.

I could look at these photos flashing by forever.  Reliving each one as only I can.

Story For the Day

At Lowes today, I attempted to buy a new towel ring and toilet paper holder for our plum bathroom.  I knew I needed a black matte kind of finish and I was hoping for the brilliant new toilet paper holder design I saw at my parent's house.  They have one that lifts up on one side to slide the roll off and on instead of the typical kind with an annoying spring inside the tube that always results in a spring and empty cardboard roll flying off.  I didn't see what I wanted right away, so I asked the first sales guy that I found if they had it.

"No, we don't have that, but I could order it for you."

"No, that won't work, I need it for Thursday, I am having company over for Thanksgiving."

"You should try Bed, Bath and Beyond."

I looked at him blankly.

"You know where it is, right?  Right down there." He gestured in one direction.

"Yes, I know, I just didn't think they had this stuff there."

"It is Bed, Bath and Beyond." I felt like he was holding back from adding, "you dumbshit"

"Well, you can't buy a toilet there, can you?" I countered, trying hard not to add, "smartass"

"No, but you can buy a toilet seat cover."

OK, fine, I'd heard enough.  I wasn't really interested in buying anything there anymore.

I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond, and, luckily I had some of those 20% off coupons with me, because, seriously, does anyone actually buy anything in that store without one?  I am convinced that they jacked their prices up by 20% a few years ago so that you feel like you are getting a deal when, in fact, you are not.  But it totally works because I go there and the sales lady confirmed that the coupons never expire so you can stock up on them and as soon as she said that, I thought, well, I'll be back to buy more stuff soon then.

Anyway, I did get the bathroom items, but not what I originally wanted.  I still have the old fashioned, ill-designed toilet paper holder.  But I feel better about my purchase.

** Yes, the real story for the day is the therapist appointment that Scott went to, but it is too much to write right now.  Oh, and Jane fell asleep in the tub.  She wasn't hurt or scared one bit, but me?  I'm thinking I need to review my list of promises already!

Priorities

I did talk to Q's mom and she was concerned, as I expected her to be.  I will post about that tomorrow when I have more time.  Thank you for all your feedback, it means a lot to me and helps me to process the whole situation.

I was supposed to attend a lecture tonight given by an OT about Sensory Processing Disorder and the Older Child.  The topics to be discussed included accommodations that can be made in the classroom.  I thought this might be a good way to meet some other parents who have children with issues like Scott's.  The lecture is sponsored be a support group for children who receive services in our district.

But as the day wore on and I got more tired, I decided that I wasn't going to learn anything (heck, I could probably give the talk) and the parents attending were most likely those that were new to SPD, unlike myself. 

So, when my mom came over to watch the kids, I went to the new Trader Joe's instead.  Matt had already been there on opening day last Friday.  He had called me from the store asking, "what did the people on the blog say to get?" 

Thanks to your suggestions we've already had the frozen pizza (yum) and the petite green beans, the chocolate granola bars and blueberry breakfast bars.  Tonight I bought more great stuff, including cheap organic milk and eggs.  I came home and had white bean humus and sesame pita chips for dinner.

At least you know I have my priorities straight.

People Love Change

A long, long, time ago, I dated this guy who was hilarious.  Really.  He even did stand up comedy once.  Not only was he funny, but his friends were, too.  I still think about some of the things they said and giggle to myself. 

They were particularly fond of mocking newscasts and sports announcers.  I remember an event where an interviewee said their team would go to a bowl game because they were the very best team ever.  That the team was exceptional because they were able to change and wasn't that just the best because, as everyone knows, people love change.

My boyfriend and his roommate used to quote this guy all the time saying the team was going to the "hyperbowl-e" (for hyperbole and bowl put together).  We would all laugh about how people really hate change in general and for this guy to say differently was ridiculous.

I've been thinking about this, in light of the election, about how people are so resistant to change by nature.  And yet, in order to hope for better things, one must embrace change and actually encourage it.  It is interesting how large changes can seem so uplifting, but small ones, the kind that hit close to home, are incredibly difficult.  But those little changes can make you feel like a whole new person, even if they take a bit of getting used to.

Matt was busy today starting a large painting project.  We need to paint over the new dry wall where the contractor repaired the fall out from the shower disaster.  Since we have to do this, we decided to change the color of the family room from sage green to a dark red-ish rust color. 

He got started by finishing the downstairs bathroom first.  Part of the original painting we did 4 years ago and never completed.  The bathroom is a lovely deep plum color which Matt and I both really like.  Our kids?  Not so much.

In fact, they both freaked right out saying they not only don't like the color but it makes them feel as if they aren't at their own house.  We know they will get used to it.  But this is just the little half bath.  What will they do when the whole family room is red?

Oh, yeah, people love change.  They sure do.  As long as it isn't in their house.

Little Known Fact For the Day

Did you know that if you use a strong primer in your house, say for over the new dry wall that was installed to cover the hole caused by the flood from when your shower broke, that the fumes can seep into your dryer and cause all of your clothes to smell like a mixture of paint thinner and kerosene, which in turn makes you wonder if your house, or at the very least, you dryer, might blow up?

Yeah, me neither.  Even my contractor didn't know this could happen and he's been doing this kind of work for 20 years. 

Good thing my mom, and her laundry room, are right around the corner.

Oh, and that my husband was smart enough to Google "My laundry smells like kerosene" before we called the fire department again.

Election Day, the Good and the Bad

Good
I was able to vote easily and quickly with both, well-behaved (at the time) kids in tow.

Bad
I did not get to run because I was so worried about getting to the polls early and avoiding the kind of lines I stood in in 2004 for hours.

Good
My state, Pennsylvania, and even my county (which typically votes Republican), has voted decidedly for Obama.

Bad
My kids were crazy today (and really have been for the past few weeks) and since they were home from school I had to spend all day with them.  I was really wondering what the deal was, too much candy? the weather? when I suddenly remembered that they are both at that half-year mark from their birthdays.  A developmental stage that tends to be trying each year for us.  Even though this made me understand their behavior better, I still couldn't wait for them to go to bed.

Good
Matt sent me this hilarious e-mail (my apologies to those who live in red states):

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Bad
Because I am trying to be frugal and not shop as much, even for household things, I haven't been to Target for several weeks.  Consequently, we are dangerously close to running out of toilet paper.

And on that note, I think I can safely go to bed without missing anything, this election is over.

What It's Like to Live in PA Right Now

While watching the Eagles game tonight, there were back to back opposing political advertisements.  One for John McCain.  One for Barack Obama.  This did not surprise me because I live in the battleground state of Pennsylvania.  In the past week or so, I've received many politically motivated calls and knocks on my door reminding me to vote and confirming my support for my party's candidate.  I've even been called by former president Bill Clinton, the governor of Pennsylvania, and a few other big wigs.

I feel so important.

Living outside of Philadelphia seems pretty good these days.  The Phillies won the World Series.  My alma mater, Penn State, is enjoying an undefeated football season for the first time in many years.

And then there's the election.  My neighborhood has an equal amount of signs for each candidate.  An indication of what the entire state looks like.

I listened to the NPR podcast of This American Life earlier last week titled: Ground Game.  It was all about the fight for Pennsylvania's electoral votes and how the foot soldiers make a difference for their candidate.

Talk about wildly different, opposing sides.  It really doesn't get any more contentious than right here in my state.  With two, big, liberal cities on either side and a lot of small towns in the middle, you get it all.

I remember being shocked to find that many of my fellow Penn Staters went to public schools where reciting the Lord's Prayer was part of the morning's announcements.  And, although you'd think that a big university was mostly liberal, it was actually quite conservative.  Unfortunately, this also meant racist as the NPR program shows.

I live close enough to Philadelphia to identify with the city as my own, but also far enough way for my town to be separate.  Right here we have people with vastly opposing views.  There is a Planned Parenthood office one block from my house where at least one protester has been camped out daily.  My friends complain about the war in Iraq and the disgrace of the Bush presidency, hoping for an Obama win, while my parents and many others stick with their Republican candidate.  Our newspaper prints letters from both sides, pretty evenly.

People who live in other states that are clearly leaning one way or another do not get this much attention.

Even though it is nice to feel so important, I will be glad when this election is over, as I am sure most people will be.

It's been nice talking to you, Bill, really, but we've got sports to watch.  And, as for our teams, that is something this state can agree on.

Something In Common

I do not get involved in politics very much.  My parents used to say that it was not polite to ask anyone about their political leanings, that it was none of anyone's business whom they voted for.  I've become more forthright than they ever were, but I still get somewhat uncomfortable telling other people my political opinions.

It ranks right up there with religion for me as far as being personal and private.  I don't want anyone telling me what they think I should believe.  However, I realize that many people I know come from activist upbringings where they feel compelled to share their political views.  This does not offend me in any way.  And I often wish I could embrace politics and take a stand more firmly and openly.  I also know that without spreading the word about a candidate, that many people will not vote, or will make an uninformed decision.  So I am grateful for those that show their true colors and work toward the outcome they feel is right.

That said, I am utterly disappointed in the Bush administration.  I am embarrassed for our country and downright bitter about the things that have transpired these past 8 years.  I am excited and hopefully for a Democratic president who's philosophy on social issues I agree with.

First and foremost I am talking about being Pro-Choice.  I believe in a woman's right to choose.  But I get that many people do not share this philosophy, mostly grounded in the idea that "life begins at conception".  I see this as "potential life" begins at conception, just like an unfertilized egg represents the possibility of a baby.  The seed that is needed for it all to begin.

So, for me, the fertilized egg is no more viable than the untouched one because that life cannot continue on its own.  And I do think that there are very good and valid reasons why someone might make the  exceedingly difficult decision to terminate a pregnancy.

I don't want the government to decide for me (or anyone else) whether I feel abortion is wrong, but I fully understand why those that do, consider themselves protectors of unborn children. The part that I never really got was when someone who claims they are Pro-Life says, well I believe in life beginning at conception except when that was due to rape or incest.  Or if the woman is not fit to gestate a child because she takes drugs, or is sick, or whatever may be an exception, according to them.

See? that logic doesn't follow for me.  If you believe that abortion is wrong because it is equal to killing a baby, then what valid exceptions could there possibly be?  None.  Because it can't matter then about the consequences.  What might happen to the child or the mother or anyone else because then you would be condoning murder.

I do not want Sarah Palin to be our next Vice President.  I do not agree with her policies and the decisions she has made.  I want nothing more than for all Americans to see that she and McCain are the wrong choice for our country.

But I will give her credit for standing on the principle that you can only be Pro-Life in one way.  Even if I stand firmly on the other side of the fence.

Perhaps when those that consider themselves "Pro-Life With Exceptions" (sort of like the twisted term "Friends with Benefits") see the flaw in their logic, they will realize that they are actually more Pro-Choice than even they knew.

Because by being sometimes Pro-Life you have to admit that you really are about making decisions and choices.  Ones that everyone should be allowed to make individually.

It's May. Why Is It Still Raining?

The tulips have already bloomed.  The birthdays have been over for weeks.  There was Mother's Day.  Baseball games.  School is winding down.

But it sure doesn't feel like May.  It is colder and rainier here than it was in March.  Not only am I having trouble getting into my blogging groove, but my running is suffering, too.  Usually it is hot by now.  My kids are still wearing fleece pajamas.  I don't even know where my shorts are.

This fall was hot until November and now?  Spring hasn't even gotten started.

The pool opens in a few days.

I still feel super busy, no letting up of activities and obligations, either.  Today I go on Scott's field trip.  At least it is to see a show and not to a farm.  Tomorrow is Jane's last day of her first year of preschool.  I am crying already.

I am really looking forward to summer.  And that is really saying something.