Time to Live

In the light of the day, I reread my post from yesterday, and feel that I did not accurately portray what I was thinking.  Certainly, this is not new for me.  One of the challenges of blogging is that I rarely feel like I get it right.  I don't post often enough to cover events or I post frequently and don't have time to process.  Or I write something that only scratches the surface.  I always want to edit, rewrite, mull it over more.  Or maybe I was just tired or distracted, it was cold in the house and I was hungry.

This is indicative of my whole life.  I mean, when are things the way you want them to be?  Do you feel like life is generally going your way or do you constantly question, examine, review how your life is going?  Are you often just a bit uncomfortable, physically or emotionally?

As I read through the comments, my original ideas jelled a bit more.  I was trying to say that, on the one hand, I knew Scott was maturing in a normal 7 year old way.  He knows that he has to do stuff, like the field trip, that he doesn't want to, but has stopped moaning and groaning about it, like he would have last year. 

On the other hand, I was thinking what Delilah said, that there are so many things to just get through in life, so many difficult, frightening and sad things to deal with, that a simple second grade field trip just seems not worth worrying about. 

But the truth is, I get Scott.  I wouldn't have wanted to go on the trip either.  My concerns would have been similar to his, about the new place, who to sit with, yucky bathrooms.  And although I don't remember being germaphobic, I am sure I wouldn't have wanted to be outside in the cold at a nature center.  What if there was a snake?  Or prickly bushes? 

I prefer routine.  Knowing what to expect.  I've never been very adventurous, especially if I can't bail when I so choose.  Think what that must be like for my kid, who rarely gets to be in control. 

So, I know where he is coming from and I want to respect that.  He does not have to like a second grade field trip any more than another child has to like gym class (that would be me).

Navi suggested I tell the teacher about his anxieties, and I wanted to let her know that I have.   There was an incident in the beginning of the year, I refer to it as Trashcan-gate, where he was assigned to trashcan duty.  He freaked out and I had to e-mail his teacher and explain some of his issues. 

But, he doesn't feel very comfortable with her, and as you suspected, does not want me to tell her anything unless he specifically says so.  I am sure I will be discussing this more with his teacher at his conference, but I am pretty certain that she doesn't see most of what is going on in his head.  He is quiet in class, hoping to stay under the radar and not get in trouble.  At home he tells me about how the other kids touched his stuff and contaminated it, or how the boy next to him sits too close, or the girl across from him talks too much.  I encourage him to handle these issues as best he can given the circumstances, to tell the boy he is sitting too close and ask the girl to be quieter.  We even talk about joking, "dude, if you got any closer, you'd be in my lap" and stuff like that.

The point is (I think I have a point) that this is life.  This constant navigating between dealing with the things you can't control and negotiating for those changes you might be able to get.  Right? 

Just like I am always trying to get things the way I want them to be, so is everyone else.  We are all jockeying for our place, where we feel comfortable.  Where we can stop thinking so much and just live.

That's what I want him to be able to find more often, more easily.  I want to tip the scale a little more to the middle.  So that more time is spent living instead of worrying and obsessing. 

Now, if only I could figure that out for myself as well.

Comments

[floating in space]

Yes, teaching them to navigate through life and to feel comfortable in their own skin.

[InTheFastLane]

That Is life...finding that center of control and letting go of the things we can't. It is just harder for some than for others.

[Niksmom]

Raising my coffee cup in salute and understanding, my friend. Here's hoping you both find more time in the middle! :-) Oh, and when you figure out how to do that...let me know, too? xo

[kristen]

So well-said, my friend. Scott is lucky to have you in his corner. And I have every faith that, in time, you will both find your way to the middle. Or wherever you deem that comfort zone to be.

[Julie Pippert]

Oh Lori, I understand. It is so challenging to find that line between overfocusing and validating something not helpful and validating and working through productively. When and what to say and how to say it.

I have a lot swirling through my mind and will have to think on it. Maybe more later.

Great post, thanks.