To Everything, Turn, Turn, There is a Season, Turn, Turn

Hey there!  So ... how was your summer?  Yeah?  That's good.  Oh, me?  Well, mine was really crazy.  It started out really great.  Then got kind of mixed up and sad and lost.  Then stress and anxiety flooded in.  And stayed awhile.  It has been long.  And yet, I am not ready for it to be over.

We've been busy, in a good way, going from one event to another.  Here's a quick review:

Our winter of sickness turned into a spring full of angst.  Once summer started and all the end-of-the-school-year nonsense (too many parties, special events, lack of routine, Scott even said at one point, "I don't want another pizza party, I just want a regular day!") was over, the stress level in our house went way down.  Plus I was in a zen-momma, just turned 40, mode of living in the moment and enjoying having my kids around. 

We had a pre-July 4th party with two of my friends from college and their families (which included "the three little trip-a-lets", as Jane calls them).  At the same time we settled into a nice routine of attending swim lessons in the morning, hanging out at the park, running errands, chilling out at home, reading Harry Potter and doing workbooks.  We girly-ed up some old furniture for Jane's room by painting it pink and purple.  We saw the fireworks with the cousins as usual, enjoying the fact that the kids can all play pretty independently now (I'll choose to ignore the part where Scott got scared of the fireworks because of the smoke now, instead of the noise, well, he still doesn't like the loudness, either).  I rushed to finish Nineteen Minutes and then hosted book group.

This wonderful start to summer then blended into me getting ready for and attending the BlogHer 2008 conference.  After returning, we got in a little bit of a funk with sad news and new anxieties cropping up. We scrambled around getting ready for vacation, went away, then had to recover from said vacation.  There was football practice and picking tomatoes and green beans from the garden.  Attempts at bike riding without training wheels.  Lots of lunches out.  TV watching, computer games, Wii playing.

I read a second book, Crossing To Safety, for my book group, cramming it in, finishing just in time for our meeting. 

There also were fights between the kids.  New issues with "trash can germs".  Complaints about being bored and simultaneously too busy.

I felt tired.  All. the. time.  Oh the headaches, also.  Grrr.

Usually I am more than eager for Fall, my favorite season, to arrive.  But this summer seemed to carry extra importance.  More than anytime before I know how precious these days are.  How fleeting.  I sense the change of seasons, not just literally, but figuratively, for me and my family. 

This time of caring for small children, of being dedicated primarily to them, is coming to an end.  There won't be any more babies.  I think I am the one who is having the most difficult time moving on.  Because it is me that needs to adjust the most.  From full-time, all consuming mommyhood, to what?  I don't know.  I feel lost when I thought I'd feel free, excited, revved-up for new possibilities.

Tomorrow my boy goes back to school.  Something he needs to do.  He wants nothing more than to stay home with me.  To be able to control his environment.  To not have to deal with any of it.

He is concerned about his teacher.  The bullies on the bus.  How long the day is.  Being away from home, missing me.  And the germs.  Really worried about the germs that lurk everywhere because, you know, no one else washes their hands and the bathrooms are beyond gross and don't even get him started on the cafeteria.  And the bus might break down or he could get poisoned.  And no one likes him, well some of the girls do, but they're yucky, except maybe the one girl that he kind of sort of likes, but no.  she's still yucky, too.  It is all just overwhelming.

But he must go.  It is good for him.

And for me.

The new school year always brings a lot of promise.  For fresh starts, new friends.  Opportunities to learn and grow.  I welcome the arrival of routine and cooler weather.  Of whatever lies ahead.

Even if I am wistful for the summer days and babies of the past.

*** Tomorrow I will be hosting a guest post from an anonymous Bitcher as part of Her Bad Mother's Betchfest.  Please check back to listen to some good old-fashioned ranting.  From someone other than me!  And to offer your comments and support.  Because everyone likes to be heard.

Comments

[Tracy]

"This time of caring for small children, of being dedicated primarily to them, is coming to an end. There won't be any more babies. I think I am the one who is having the most difficult time moving on. Because it is me that needs to adjust the most. From full-time, all consuming mommyhood, to what? I don't know. I feel lost when I thought I'd feel free, excited, revved-up for new possibilities." I read that and wonder if I wrote it myself. Certainly you are not alone in having those thoughts - realizing that you never thought beyond the baby phase of parenting. I guess this is the part of life where we learn to live in the here and now with these amazing little people! Not that we don't or won't have our own goals still to achieve, but after years of planning and achieving, it's nice to just "be" for awhile, isn't it?

[Jordan]

So many changes going on in your life right now, Lori. Try not to take them all on at once, you know? You can only do so much at any given moment. You're such a wonderful mother and Jane and Scott still need you, even with school starting. Maybe especially with school starting! I'm glad Scott had a good day, and yes, I'd tell the teacher about the trash issue!!

[Laura]

It's the most wonderful time of the year................I am so happy I can hardly stand it! Good luck to Scott and hope he has a great year!

[Patty]

I think all the conflicting emotions are the hardest part of motherhood. It is difficult, but sweet all at the same time and for me, it is sometimes hard to really appreciate it while it is happening. I am working on it. Good luck with all the new changes.

[Kyla]

I hope he has a wonderful day! I hope you do, too.

[Niksmom]

Oh it's all so challenging sometimes isn't it? The letting go, the holding on, pushing the boundaries of what our kids will or can handle or what we ourselves can handle. And the yearning for the comfort of a known (and maybe slightly easier?) past. *sigh*

Sending lots of good thoughts for the first day of school --the first day of "whatever lies ahead." xo

[delilah]

Have a happy first day!

[casdok]

Hope all goes well with going back to school.

[Maddy]

Aha well now you are on my google reader and my blogroll I should receive a timely reminder rather than having to bookmark you!
Cheers

[kristen]

I'm glad you're back here. Writing. Sharing. Missed you.