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September 02, 2008



you can have some fore play that will help you like kissing eiecpsally french kissing is very good for a good evening and have hin play with your breasts and that will drive you very wild also bu t keep it to the good clean point dear and let me kbow what moreyou want to know if itwas me i would be very nice and take care of the clit thing when yoy ladies love to have that done if you know what i mean


you definitely could be depressed. high doses of fish oil have shown to be extremely effective with depression (lots of research backs this) i'd try em. I take them, after i had my daughter i was really flatlined. the hormonal dance your body does after having two babies like that is crazy. it's not unusual to feel depressed while your body adjusts, and then having marriage stress and fatigue just makes it much worse.

i'm sorry your husband is so whiny. that is really irritating, frustrating and eventually hurtful. if he doesn't appreciate your boobs then excuse me but fuck him! or more to the point don't!! man that makes me mad. any man worth his salt knows that the first thing he must do to have an awesome sex life is appreciate his woman's body. it sounds like the layers of hurt are deep and a really good therapist would help, it's hard to find a really good one so you might consider shopping around and not just going with the first one you find.

i hope all gets better as you are getting more sleep and thinking a little clearer. it's really foggy when our babies are little.


Wow, I really feel for you. Two thoughts to use as you will:

1. As someone who just started antidepressants to get me through a transition I can't yet speak to their effectiveness, BUT I can say that based on the questions my doctor asked me you may well be a good candidate. Now I am depressed to need anti-depressants. :)

2. Just have sex. Really. As often as you can force yourself. I have gotten to that place of using every excuse in the book not to (not that your grandmother isn't a damn good excuse). Even if things in your relationship are really messed up the physical connection will start to tear down those walls.

Good luck!!


I think many women lose a bit of themselves dealing with the day-to-day challenges of marriage and raising a family. A very wise woman once likened husband and wife to pillars that support a building. Each pillar (husband and wife) needs to be standing straight (have their own interests, their own identity) in order for the building (the marriage) to remain strong. If one pillar is leaning on the other, the building will collapse. Yes, being a wife and mother is extremely demanding, but you need to find the time to do something for yourself in order to stay stong as a couple.

I think counseling is a good idea. A good marriage/family therapist should work with you both individually and then bring you together for couples therapy.

Also, you might want to speak to your GP again about depression. That funk you described certainly sounds like it could be depression, and medication can do wonders.

Best of luck to you! I hope to hear an update from you!


Wow, that totally, completely sucks. Although my husband can be kind of dumb, in a manly sort of way, he is really a saint--I would be the villain in our marriage, hands-down.

Sorry you have to deal with all this: pressure from all sides it seems to meet all their needs and be a different person than you are now. I hope you can find peace and happiness and the real you.


I almost had to laugh when I read this because I checked in on this blog in between googling marriage counselors. Practically same deal here, married 15 years, two boys 7 and 3. Awesome Dad, great provider, smart guy. BUT, nothing ever makes this man happy. People are basically idiots out to make his life difficult. And occasionally that includes me. He has said horrible things to me in the past when he can't keep his temper in check. Many times. And he thinks an I'm sorry, or flowers or sending me on a trip makes up for all the damage he has caused. Ditto too on the sex situation. I used to be all for it before we had kids and many many times was rebuffed. Now, he bitches because I don't want to. I don't. I am tired ( I am a SAHM) at the end of the day and he doesn't do shit to help out. Plus, I too had to train myself not to want it anymore after he kept rejecting me and now I don't. Doesn't really bother me. I take care of myself and move on. So, long story to say either this counseling works or I am leaving. I really don't want to leave this marriage at all but I will. So, no advice, but I feel ya Sister.


My husband and I went through a sort of rough patch, after KayTar's birth. He wanted sex a lot more than I did and it was CONSTANTLY an issue. One night we had both just had enough, and it alllll came out. Why he was upset, why I was upset, why we were practically ignoring each other or growling at each other all the time...it all came out. We were up until 4 in the morning talking about all of it. And it did both of us a lot of good. I walked away seeing where he was coming from and he did the same. It wasn't exactly a PRETTY conversation, but it was really valuable for both of us.

You definitely need some time and space to reclaim some little pieces of yourself, but don't let other people's expectations drag you down or make it even more difficult for you. I hate confrontation, but when something is eating at you like all of this, sometimes honesty is the best policy. It might be painful to do it, but talk to him, talk to your family...don't let them brush your feelings and needs aside. You've kept them quiet long enough, I think.

Lori at Spinning Yellow

Oh, and the fact that you said you have big boobs and your husband is an ass-man made me laugh. Isn't that always the case? The assets we have are lost on the very ones that should appreciate them!

Lori at Spinning Yellow

I will open up comments to first say that I feel for you! Having kids and all that happens to your body, your relationship, and self esteem is extremely difficult.

Even though it sounds like your sister is trying to help you, it is almost as if she, too, wants you to be who you were prior to having kids. Everyone depends on you to be the one that holds it together from your mom, to your siblings, to your husband, to your kids (the only justified ones). That is a heavy burden. Who takes care of you?

Therapy might not solve any problems but it might be a way to at least put yourself first somewhere and be able to vent your anger.

Hang in there. I hope some of my readers will be able to offer their support. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone is helpful.

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