There's a Big Silver Lining in All This

When I complained about how the puke virus finally invaded our home, I did not express how fortunate I feel that it didn't happen until now.  At a time when it seems we can, and did, handle it pretty well.   A few years ago, or even last year, I really can't imagine how Scott would have reacted to the choking sensation.  To the foul smell and yucky taste in his mouth.  To the gunk coming out of his nose.  Although he was scared and obviously didn't like it (nobody does, of course) he reacted in a way that you'd expect.

I keep coming back to this idea of how, well, normal, he has been lately.  I do not use the word lightly because I think normal is very subjective.  But I guess I am trying to say that Scott has been acting, in most ways, like a typical six year old.  More so now than he has ever behaved in the past.  Possibly it is a combination of how much we've adjusted, natural maturing, and self and specialist taught coping mechanisms. 

He even said that the throwing up wasn't the end of the world, mostly just scary.  Huh?  From a kid who can't even stand the smell of my newspaper?  Who hates the way liquid feels on his face?

Yes, my kid.  Who has come so far.  Who is realizing that life throws you punches and curve balls and you can make adjustments and move on.  Who actually let me wipe his face with a paper towel the other day.

I can see now that as he is getting older, he can control his environment more himself.  He can move the newspapers.  He can go wash his face off.  Just like how I always wear my sunglasses and only read when it is quiet.  I can make those choices because I understand myself and because I am capable.  I don't have to ask someone to help me.

A few weeks ago when he was all wound up before bed time, I yelled at him that he was driving me crazy.  "Settle down!"  I screamed.  About 10 minutes later, he very calmly said, "I watched a little tv, sat in the big chair and chewed on that yellow thing and now I feel much better."  He knows what to do.

And here is the big kicker:  Due to being sick, Scott hasn't been eating with his normal voracious appetite.  So his system has been off and he hasn't been pooping regularly.  I only skipped one day of Miralax because I am so afraid of him having any kind of constipation issues even though he did have some diarrhea (oh, yes, in the middle of the night, I forgot to add that to my highlights, it brought back such fond memories).

Anyway, he left for school yesterday without going to the bathroom for over 24 hours.  Usually, a huge cause for concern, but what could I do?  After he was home for a few hours, he casually said, "oh, yeah, mom, I forgot to tell you that I pooped at school today."  And then he just went back to doing whatever he had been.

I was shocked.  And once again I had to adjust how I view my son.  How much more capable he really is.  How I am the one who may be holding him back sometimes, trying to protect him, schedule things out so that there aren't any surprises.  Even plan his pooping.

As much as I dread the vomit virus, I will concede that it has shown me that we can handle more than I thought. 

Now, please, no more visits until at least next year. 

I finally finished all the laundry.

Comments

[Laura]

He's growing up and coming into his own-that's great!

[Don Mills Diva]

This is a really wonderful and poignant post. I think we are all guilty of underestimating our kids sometimes.

[Jordan]

That is such wonderful news. I find that with NT kids as well (as I'm sure you see with Jane) there are times when I just kick myself as I stand back and watch amazed while my kids do things on their own that I never expected and realize just that - that I've been holding them back. It's an unsettling feeling but once that part passes, how exhilarating to see the growth! I'm so happy for you all - especially Scott.

[tulipmom]

"I can see now that as he is getting older, he can control his environment more himself. He can move the newspapers. He can go wash his face off. Just like how I always wear my sunglasses and only read when it is quiet. I can make those choices because I understand myself and because I am capable."

It's so wonderful to see them learn to compensate like this. Twice this week SB had meltdowns at pickup time and proceeded to spiral into a deeper rage as we drove home from school. On both days he chose to remain in the car after I pulled into the garage. He told me to go ahead inside, that he wanted to sit in the quiet car and calm down.

I often wonder how much of this can be attributed to time and maturity and how much is the direct result of therapy/etc. Either way, it's all good.

[delilah]

Moments like this make me realize just how far we have come as well. It's great how Scott is able to recognize what his body needs. He will continue to make great strides.

[kristen]

I can relate to this on so many levels. I see it here too, a self-awareness that is shocking only because it was never expected or anticipated.

"How I am the one who may be holding him back sometimes, trying to protect him, schedule things out so that there aren't any surprises."

Yes. I do that too. We're slow learners, sometimes, we battle-scarred moms. But I have no doubt our kids are going to show us the way--if we let them.