Coming Out at the Bus Stop

** Title credit goes to Delilah at Floating in Space, who used this term when I told her the story.

Yesterday morning Scott was bouncing off the walls.  When I say this I mean it quite literally.  He actually slams his body into things, including furniture and walls.  He was jumping around, talking way too fast and not making a lot of sense, skipping from one idea to another.  At times like this, I feel like I am dealing with someone who just smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a gallon of coffee.  His disorganization is frustrating and alarming.

On the way to catch the bus, he spotted the one boy, a Kindergartener, who comes to our stop, across the street.  When he got to the curb he jumped into the boy's arms giving him a signature, overpowering hug and immediately said, "You can't have gum in school!" 

The boy's mom looked surprised, "He doesn't have any gum.  He had some earlier.  How did you know?" 

"I smelled it,"  Scott said simply.

So the mom kind of looked at me quizzically and I told her that he has heightened senses, he can smell things others might not.  Inside my head I thought about times where we were out someplace and Scott yelled, "What's that smell?!"  Or how I can't sneak any food and then talk to him, "Where's the chocolate, mom?"  Or how I have to move the newspaper away from his side of the table because he can't eat with it near him.  He's like a dog who can sniff out anything out of the ordinary.

After the boys boarded the bus, I decided to tell her more.  I don't know why I did, but maybe it had to do a little with this.  I feel that I am usually trying desperately to make Scott's issues unnoticeable.  For him to fit in with everyone, even if we see things others don't.  But then there are times when I want people to understand where he is coming from.

I think it was significant that Scott noticed the boy's gum breath given his crazy state.  When he is in hyper mode like that, he does seem to be distracted by every little thing.  I explained a bit about Scott's history, about SPD, about the OT that he has received.  I knew I would get the response that I did.  A mixture of interest (I've never heard of that) and also disbelief (aren't all kids like that?  he seems fine to me). 

But I felt better saying something.  Even if it looks like I am making excuses or inventing a disorder.  I want to raise awareness.  Maybe this mom-at-the-bus-stop will see Scott a little bit differently, for good or for bad.  Or maybe she'll realize something she never knew about another child.  Maybe a niece or nephew or a friend of her son's.

Maybe it will simply be one more person who hears about SPD.  And if that is all, it is enough for me.

********************************************************

I am sorry I have been so out of touch lately.  Instead of giving all the usual excuses, you know, busy with the holidays, catching up after NaBloPoMo, husband out of town, sick kids, blah, blah, blah, I really just want to say there are two main reasons why I haven't been able to keep up:

The first is guilt.  I feel guilty for blogging.  I have so many things I should be doing that when I blog I feel self-indulgent.  It is a hobby, a creative outlet.  It is not monetarily expensive (like my husband's triathlon hobby), but it takes up a lot of time.  And time is precious right now.  I see my children growing up over-night.  And I am behind in so many things around my house, it is upsetting.

I also feel guilty not blogging.  I am so very grateful and appreciative of the support and friendship I've found here in the blogosphere.  If I don't get to read and comment and post regularly I feel like I am letting you all down, including myself.  Not keeping up my side of the relationship.  This makes me feel even more guilty.

Guilt if I do.  Guilt if I don't.

I am not sure how to reconcile those two things.

Second, I was trying desperately to finish reading my book for my Monday night book club meeting.  I hate attending book club without reading the book, even if it is not one I wanted to read.  This time, someone else had picked a book I'd tried to get selected several times, so I was not going to skip it.  And I am so happy to report that I not only finished in time, but I thoroughly enjoyed the book, Mrs. Kimble by Jennifer Haigh.

The story and characters were engaging, but what I liked most of all was the style in which she wrote.  It is a strong voice, clean sentences, no extra verbiage, but also plenty of emotion and description.  I marked several pages where I found particularly well-crafted sentences.  She explains her style in this interview, saying that:

The narrative voice of Mrs. Kimble is very much my voice; I think it comes through in all my work. I aim for precision in the sentences because that's the sort of writing I admire. I have a great respect for writers who are humble, whose language allows the reader to see the story but doesn't get in the way. Language is a window, and if the window is clean, you shouldn't be aware you're looking through glass.

My friend (hi dee!) knows the author from their small Pennsylvania town and had suggested the book awhile ago.  I was a little skeptical, thinking, who is this person who calls themselves an author, who grew up in small-town PA?  I was pleasantly mistaken.  How dare I be so judgmental just because someone knows this person?

This was a great read.  It reminded me of John Irving's, A Widow for One Year and I love John Irving (A Prayer for Owen Meany is on my top 10 books of all time list).  I highly recommend it.

Now I will publish this and hopefully start catching up on all the fabulous posts that I've missed this past week or so.

Comments

[MommyWithAttitude]

Lori I just made peace with the fact that I'm going to blog once a week and that's that. But I know what you mean, because I often feel guilty that I'm always 2 to 3 weeks behind on reading other people's posts. (SO VERY GLAD NaBloPoMo is over!)

[kristen]

Slacking? No way. Life should always take precedence. And when you need blogging to make sense of life? Well, here it is.

I join the others in saying snaps to you for speaking candidly to the other mother. We do have to educate people. And that's on my mind too, the gee, he seems fine, mentality, but we have to move past that. Society needs to accept the fact that there are some disabilities that can't always be seen, or clearly defined, but they are no less valid than the ones that can.

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Thanks for the comments! See, I knew I could count on you even though I have been slacking!

Dee - I am looking forward to reading Baker Towers, I put it on my Christmas wish list. And I know what you mean about processing information. I definitely need to hear/read about something for awhile before I understand/accept another way of thinking.

Julie - I am so excited that you are going to post on this! I look forward to reading it.

[Julie Pippert]

I don't know how to reconcile the blogging guilt either. The desire to read everyone I "know" and like..and comment (too much), plus my own desire to write. You figure it out, please share.

I am glad you explained to the mom. I think you did a good thing on many levels.

Let me try to explain why without making an utter jackass out of myself.

Okay and THAT just went on TOO LONG. So I will write it up as a post for my own site, quote a few sentences, link here, and put it up tomorrow-ish.

Julie
Using My Words
http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com

[Dee]

Good for you for feeling confident about educating the mom about SPD. I'm sure when you told me about SPD 2 years ago, I may have had the same reaction initially. I have a much greater sense of it now, through conversations with you and through this blog. People learn and process information differently, so you never know when you will reach someone who says "I know exactly what you mean!" As for Jennifer's book, I'm glad you finally had the chance to read it! Her second book, Baker Towers, is good too, in fact I think I may prefer that one a little more. She has great descriptive ability. The English teachers in high school just loved her, and I am sure she has made them very proud.

[Niksmom]

Lori, please don't feel guilty about blogging or not...it has to work for YOU. We are just the happy voyeuristic masses who get to peek into your world. :-) Things will find a new equilibrium and you'll figure out what works for you, I'm certain. I think you've voiced what many of us feel very often.

Glad you "outed" yourself/Scott at the bus stop; that mom may walk away thinking you made it all up or she may start thinking more about it and decide she needs to know more. Either way, you didn't hide out or cringe in shame or embarassment as many would have. Hold your head up wit pride! :-)

Here's wishing you a sane and peaceful weekend to catch your breath and relax. :-)

[delilah]

I never know how much to say either, but it sounds like what you said was perfect.

And I'm with you on the blogging guilt. Any chance we could magically add a few extra hours to each day?

[tulipmom]

I've also been wondering if you were okay.

Good for you for not passing up the opportunity to educate the other mom. I think I worry too much about others thinking I'm making excuses for SB's behavior.

As for Scott's heightened olfactory sense, SB can't even stand to be around me if I've had peanut butter within the last hour.

[Jordan]

Oh - and I forgot to say, nice job with the mom at the bus stop - it's so important to educate other parents even when they don't seem to get it.

[Jordan]

Owen Meany is in my top 10, too. Love that book. Thanks for this new recommendation!

I was just thinking about you today, in fact, and wondering if everything was okay, so I was happy to see that you posted. No need to feel guilty - we're all here when you have time and something to say.

[Oh, The Joys]

I love Owen Meany too!