Tell Me Something I Don't Know

Today was our first parent teacher conference for Scott this school year.  Matt and I went together.  After receiving Scott's report card last Friday, I did not have high hopes for this meeting.  He was given many pluses for academic work and several "needs improvements" under the Work Habits section.  The comment at the end said: 

Scott is a bright child.  He is always ready to take part in a class discussion or to share a strategy.  Scott tends to call out or talk with peers at inappropriate times.  He needs to work on controlling his behavior.

No insights there.  I could have written this report card back in September.

But, I was pleasantly surprised.  It went better than I had thought it would due, I am sure, partly to the fact that Matt was there. 

Lately, several things have happened where Matt has been amazed at how differently he is treated from me.  At the post office, I was chided for using a wine box and not crossing out all the wording.  Matt, who mails things quite a bit, said they would have never given him a hard time, and I believe him.  The pizza delivery guy called me and all annoyed said, "we don't usually deliver to your town, but I guess I have to since we already made your food."  Huh?  They've delivered to us before.  Once again, Matt kind of laughed noting that it must be a woman thing.  Because he gets more respect.  I think this is true and it really burns me up when it comes to the kids.  This might have also been a factor with the dentist experience.  Mom's are seen as being over-protective and emotional while men are treated as if they are smarter, more objective and therefore, worthy of respect.

Matt jumped in right away and asked about the reading section of the report card.  There were pluses in all areas except "Reads, Analyzes, Interprets Literature."  The teacher explained that the mark was based on Scott's ability to do those things within his reading level which is higher than the other children in the class.  Have I explained this yet?  Scott's class is split into 3 reading groups according to ability.  Since Scott and another boy read at a higher level than the best group, they actually read separately from the regular class with an aid.  She assured us that Scott is quite skilled in this area and had it been based on the usually reading material he'd ace it.  Good question, honey.  How were we supposed to know that?

After that clarification, Matt cut right to the chase about the behavior issues.  He explained a little bit about the sensory processing issues and she told us some specific things that were happening in the room.  Which gave me an opportunity to make suggestions:

Put him against the wall during circle time so he can touch it instead of his classmates.

Don't let him pack up his stuff at the same time as the other kids because he gets overwhelmed and starts pushing and shoving.

Make up a diagram or list for where his stuff should go in his desk so that he can stay more organized.

Don't give him a ball unless you expect it to be thrown.

Challenge him and keep him busy. 

Don't give him too many choices, he has trouble making decisions.

He treats everything like a competition so use it to your advantage.

I could have gone on and on, but you are only allowed 15 minutes and she was already running behind.  Maybe I will write some things up and e-mail them, now that the dialog has been opened.

She seemed genuinely interested in seeking our input and trying out our suggestions.  She said that she knows his physical behavior is not malicious in intent.  She does not view him as aggressive.  And she said he does not stand out as a behavior problem it is just that she sees these incidents as impacting his peer relationships.  We are well aware of that.

And his writing.  I just can't get over the improvement!  From the beginning of September to now, he uses spaces and can keep his letters in the lines.  It is unbelievable.  I guess it just clicked.  Now that he doesn't have to think so much about forming the letters.  This is the one academic area where I thought he'd get a "needs improvement" but she said he is doing fine.

We also discussed the gifted program and she agreed that he'd be a good candidate for testing.  She informed us that the test for the first graders is harder than the test for the second graders (when children are typically evaluated).  But she said that is primarily in the math part which he should have no problem with.  She said she thought he'd really enjoy the program, which he would start next year, if he gets in.

All around, pretty positive. 

Now if only I could get Matt to come everywhere with me!

Comments

[Niksmom]

Lori, I totally get it about the man/woman thing. It annoys me that I am the one spending 24/7 with Nik and yet certain docs will talk to Niksdad like he's the one who knows everything. GRR...good thing we make such a good team! Sounds like you and Matt do too.

Sound like Scott is doing really well! That's awesome about the gifted program.

[tulipmom]

I'm so glad to hear your conference went well. Excellent suggestions too!

Interesting timing of this post since I'm stressing out about the fact that D. can't accompany me to today's IEP (well, he'll be there for all of the first 20 minutes IF it starts on time as he has to meet SB at dismissal). Let's hope this mom gets some respect.

[Laura]

Lori-
I agree w/the man/respect thing-I make Rich go everywhere w/me-it's annoying. Your suggestions for his teacher were great and Matt also had a good perspective-it really helps having your partner by your side. We had Dallas's last night and as usual, it is quite amusing! I'll have to tell you about it when I see you.

[Dee]

First, I will be happy when NaBloPoMo is over--I can't keep up with your daily posts! :) Your grading system reminds me of our school's-- ITW recieved a "2" (0-4, 4 being highest) in science, which I was surprised to see. Turns out they had just started the unit, and so she didn't give anyone higher than a 2. How does that make sense? What happened to A's, B's and C's? I have a hard time with all of the subjective grading. Glad to hear that she seems to be receptive to the sensory suggestions that you gave to her.

[delilah]

Very positive! I'm glad you gave her those suggestions. Let's hope she follows your advice!

[MommyWithAttitude]

This happens to me at work. I will tell somebody something and they'll be mad. So my boss (a man) will get on the phone and say the EXACT same thing (hello -- he taught me how to do my job!) and they will thank him profusely. It's annoying.

But it sounds like Scott is doing really well -- you must be doing a great job of helping him work through his issues.