Soccer Saturday

Scott is a soccer star.  He was a baseball star, also.  In fact, he excels at most team ball sports and will no doubt be playing for years to come.  This may come as some surprise to those of you who know he also has SPD.  He cannot do jumping jacks, skip, ride a bike well or swim (in any coordinated fashion). 

But on the playing field he is spectacular to watch.

I don't care if I come off like a bragging mom.  He has plenty of issues.  Things that have gotten in the way of him being able to navigate a typical day.  Things that we have to work on and spend hours dealing with regularly.  But with these sports, none of that is apparent.  He is quick and agile, able to judge where the ball will go.  He sees the play ahead of time.  He is a natural athlete.

And he has something else.  A serious desire to win.  A fierce competitiveness that makes him dive for the ball when other children hang back.  He would rather get kicked in the face than let the other team score.  He never wants to sit out.  He is intense and focused.

Now that he is 6, he is finally coming into his own.  The most valuable player.  The envy of other teammates and parents.  This is where he feels good.  Where it is laudable to be rough and aggressive.  No one is telling him to calm down or sit still.  He plays hard and is appreciated.

Today I went to Scott's game alone because it was at 9am and it was cold and rainy and Matt didn't feel well.  He stayed home with Jane and I watched Scott play his heart out. 

A year ago when Scott first started playing organized sports, we had no idea what to expect.  We knew he was fast and strong.  He had completed several sessions of soccer (and other sports) classes.  He had come far from when he was 4 and a half and still threw a ball with a straight arm (no bend in the elbow).  We knew that he didn't mind being pushed around or tripped.  But as far as functioning on a team?  Would he tackle his teammates, ignore his coach, have a meltdown?

Turns out he did do those things last year.  Sometimes.  But most of the time he was great.  It was finally his chance to scramble and run around and it mattered.  To him.  The problem (for Scott) was that most of the kids just wanted to have some fun (as they should have).  They didn't care what the score was (the league did not keep score last year and still doesn't, but Scott always keeps track himself). 

** I need to stop myself here and say that I will tell the story of the "soccer incident" from last year in a separate post and also go into more detail about how intense Scott is and what I think about that.  I am doing this because I am desperately trying to stay on topic so that I can keep up with this NaBloPoMo thing.  This is so hard!!

What struck me today in particular was that it was a crappy day, cold and rainy.  There is no way that I would have wanted to play in that game, especially not when I was 6 years old.  I looked around at the other kids and noticed that about half of them were not happy to be there.  They were probably counting down the minutes until the game was over.

On the way to the soccer field, I had asked Scott if he wanted to go out for hot chocolate or donuts or even McDonald's breakfast after the game.  I figured that he would deserve a treat after playing out in the cold and getting wet.  He barely acknowledged my offer because he was so worried about getting there on time.  See?  I was already thinking about how relieved I'd be when the game was over.  He just wanted to play and couldn't think past that.

As some of the kids shivered and looked miserable, Scott was totally in the moment.  It occurred to me that, here, on the field, while he was so busy concentrating, feeling his body working right, that the things that normally distract him, were not noticeable.  Ordinarily, having on wet clothes would be extremely uncomfortable.  He has, on numerous occasions, refused to wear mittens or gloves because he hates how they feel.  Not today.  He didn't even notice.

** Again I want to go into a whole side story about the coach's son who got hit in the face with a ball and totally wanted to go home.  I felt so badly for him as his father kept saying, "you have to stay in, your team needs you".  I knew what he felt like, because I hated playing team sports (still do).  This brought back bad memories of being forced to play when I didn't like it and I had no skill.  Scott loves to play sports, but for another child it might be drawing, or something else.  Alas, another post in the making about why we can't just let our kids do the things they enjoy and appreciate them for who they are.

And so I saw another side to his playing sports today.  His chance to be free from the irritations and difficulties of his regular life.  On the field he doesn't have to negotiate the terms of the game, it is organized for him already.  He can focus on the task and be completely immersed in it.  This is his opportunity to get away from the things he struggles with.

At half time, the snack parent had oranges (a highly desirable treat for Scott), but Scott didn't want any because he'd have to pick them up with his gloves on and he was afraid he'd get strings in his mouth from the fabric.  So he just went back in the game without eating any. 

Scott is not a particularly happy kid.  I don't mean this in a negative way, but he is simply a glass half empty kind of personality.  A worrier and a complainer (yeah, I know where he gets it from).  I see some of this coming from being over responsive to things.  The world is not a kind and friendly place for him so he has learned to be skeptical and cautious.

While he was playing today he seemed so happy. 

And so was I.  Not because I dreamed that he would be a professional athlete some day, but because I realized how great it is to find what you truly love to do.  How wonderful it is to watch someone who is enjoying themselves completely. 

He deserves this.  Everyone does.

** Big news!!  I finally realized that I could turn off the whole typekey part of commenting while still requiring an e-mail from people who comment.  You shouldn't have any problems now, so comment away!   Sorry it took me so long, thanks for your patience!

Comments

[Rudi]

Emily, hi, welcome and tnkhas for the note. "If a label like SPD doesn't exist, they will either be labeled with a disorder that they clearly don't have" ha! "Clearly" is an interesting choice of words.

[Staci Schoff]

I'll be so excited if I can really comment -- test!

[delilah]

"And so I saw another side to his playing sports today. His chance to be free from the irritations and difficulties of his regular life."

How lucky for Scott that you figured this out and are giving him these opportunities that will allow him to thrive.

[Dee]

That's great for Scott have somewhere that he can be so free, and great for you to be able to feel his joy!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Niksmom,

Yea!! You got in!

That is it, what you were saying about the isolated concentration. He has trouble with motor planning and bilateral coordination. For instance, I can't tell him how to do something like take off a shirt. I can't even show him, I have to physically move his body so that he can feel it to learn the appropriate motions.

But chasing a ball? Knocking someone over? That just comes naturally, no thinking involved!

[Niksmom]

Ok, Lori, let's see if this posting thing works now! ;-)

I totally understand what you are saying about Scott and coorindation. I wonder if it's because he's so much more focused on the game and the bigger picture of that versus the isolated concentration required for the whole "arms up/together while legs go out and apart" of jumping jacks or the precision of Head Shoulders Knees Toes.

I can see Nik being this way in a few years, too. He loves the crashing and falling, the racing maniacally from end to end of the room.

It IS wonderful to see the ones we love full of complete joy in what they are doing. Absolutely. And, hey, sounds like you have ideas for two more posts already! ;-)

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Thanks, Kristen. As soon as I read your comment I realized I should have further explained. B/c he has a high pain tolerance, he can fall down easily and actually likes getting this kind of proprioceptive input. I think this is probably true of certain athletes, like football players. I, on the other hand, have a very low threshold for such physical pain and could never tolerate being pushed and tackled. In this way, his sensory differences actual work to his advantage. You know?

Also, when you see how hard it is for him to coordinate his body to do jumping jacks or to follow along with the motions to a song (think, "head, shoulders, knees and toes") it is actually obvious that there is a glitch in that part of his brain. He is naturally athletic like many of his relatives before him (not me! but almost all others) so you can see where he gets it, but he is not just overall coordinated. Make sense?

[kristen]

I've read in some of your other posts comments you've made about Scott being such a good athlete, but the way you outline it here and tie it into his sensory issues and other challenges--well, first of all, I am SO glad he has this. And yes, it is kind of odd that in light of all this other stuff, his natural ability on the field shines in such a beautiful way.

My son has serious motor planning issues that spill over onto everything he does--soccer included. How wonderful for Scott that his time playing soccer (and baseball) is when he is really able to come into his own. And there are so many parallels you can draw from sports to life and vice versa that I imagine this is going to give you a lot of opportunities to talk Scott through other, more difficult situations.

Great post, Lori! Keep 'em coming...