Debrief

Thank-you.  Thank-you.  Thank-you.  A million thank yous for listening, commenting, e-mailing.  For your support and encouragement.  For getting it.

Writing and now re-visiting and posting that story has been a cathartic experience for me.  While I do hope that it helps people, it has also been an enormous deal for me.  Blogging is the perfect venue for me.  I get to post what I want to talk about and people can choose to read or not.  I already had a person search on "Sensory Processing Disorder constipation" yesterday and find my story here (oh, the things we are proud of).  But more than that, I get this sense of community, these friends that I know in real life and those that I only know as internet buddies.  And it is all good.

So while I was posting that saga, a whole bunch of things happened in the here and now.  I will give you more updates tomorrow, first I have to tell you the most significant things:

It is now day 10 of NaBloPoMo.  My tenth post in as many days.  I made it one third of the way through the month!  Yea!

Writing that story reminded Matt and I of many little incidents along the way.  Like the first school friend birthday party that Scott went to at a rock gym when he was 3 and a half.  He was terrified of climbing the wall and he was uncomfortable, as he often became later in the day, because he had to go to the bathroom (sometimes he'd even ask to go to bed early knowing that once he was asleep his misery would end).  We left the party before cake was served and had to make an excuse that he didn't feel well.  I was embarrassed that the birthday boy's parents had paid for Scott to participate when he didn't at all.  And Scott sobbed the whole way home knowing that he missed the cake and fearing that his friends would find out about his problem.  Good times.

Another stand out moment was when a friend of mine, in response to my telling a group of moms from the neighborhood about Scott's problem, remarked, "Well I wouldn't be able to take that if it was my kid!"

I stared at her and said, "We don't have a choice.  Would you kick your kid out if this was their problem?"

It took me a long time to feel comfortable around her again. 

Anyway, the other thing that has happened is that reading your comments and thinking about the story have helped keep my mind off the fact that I am having a miscarriage.

While I knew this was an inevitable outcome of the news from last week, I guess I chose not to think about how it would all go down.  I know that it is incredibly common, in fact almost all of my friends have had at least one failed pregnancy.  But in case you are not familiar (or have blocked it out of your memory as I am thinking I might), let's just say that having a miscarriage sucks.  I have felt like crap all week, headaches and exhausted from the drop in hormones.  And now, well, without going into too much detail, it is a crampy, bloody, scary mess with no sweet infant at the end to look forward to.  I've been ill all day and wondering whether it will get worse before it gets better and I will end up in the hospital. 

And I have stuff to do!  Dammit!

I am sick of feeling lousy.  I am looking forward to running again.  To drinking wine.  To staying up past 10 pm.  To getting something done.

Now I will publish post number 10, kiss my sleeping kids and go to bed knowing that tomorrow will be a better day.

Well, I might go read your comments again, just to make myself feel a little better first.

Comments

[Dee]

I'm sorry, Lori. I hope you start to feel better soon. Feeling terrible and going through the physical ordeal just adds insult to injury. Thinking of you!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Thanks for all the offers of food and drink. I love the virtual party idea!

Yes, Jenn, I did feel it. Thank-you.

MommyWithAttitude - Thanks for reading and commenting my BlogHer buddy!

[tulipmom]

If only we all lived closer ..... you'd have a whole week's worth of meals on your doorstep.

I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. I hope the physical symptoms go away soon.

[MommyWithAttitude]

Oh Lori I'm so sorry you're having a miscarriage. I am always a week (or two) behind on blog posts, so I just read your story about Scott -- as with most things, no one can really "get it" if they haven't lived it. But thank you for giving us a glimpse into what you struggle with.

[Jenn]

Did you feel that?

My arms, wrapping around you from across the way.

Take care.

[Jordan]

Sorry you are feeling so crappy!! May it end really soon - and I hope you have supportive friends nearby who can do what your internet buddies would like to be able to do for you. I'm sending you a virtual bottle of wine!!

Again, I'm so very glad that you shared your story. It really will help a lot of people.

[Laura]

Lori-
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. We all have them and I agree w/Niksmom-some people will NEVER GET IT. I am so sorry about the miscarriage-I am here if you need me. You must feel aweful-hugs to you. I will call you this week.

[kristen]

Oh, feel better, Lori. I can only imagine how uncomfortable and how out of sorts you must feel now. Like Niksmom, I wish I lived close enough to drop off a meal and a bottle of wine.

Sending hugs today!

[delilah]

Hope you are feeling better soon. Take care of yourself, and let me know if you need any help.

[slouching mom]

Oh, I'm sorry. It's such a shame that the symptoms of miscarriage have to be so obvious.

Hugs to you.

[Niksmom]

Lori, I've finally had a chance to read the entire story and I am so in awe. I love the lessons you learned and have shared. And you're right, most everyone else (even many, many professionals) will NEVER.GET.IT. But that's OK. What matters is that YOU do.

I am so sorry you are going through the miscarriage. It sucks. Sucks. Wish I were closer —I'd bring you a giant margarita (or your drink of choice) to swill while you recouperate! xo