Lest You Think I Forgot to Post Anything

I haven't.  And, it isn't that I don't have anything to write about.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The posts are piling up inside my head constantly.  About Scott and school; about women learning their own potential; Jane starting school; my responses to things I've read on autism, breastfeeding, and so much more; intensity; Scott and soccer; missing puzzle pieces; Jane's cute antics; talks with friends; running; finding purpose and meaning in life; blogging; and on and on.  That internal blogalogue never stops.  It keeps me up at night and calls to me.  Telling me I will forget this great idea.  Luring me to leave my other tasks to write and edit.

But.  One of my problems with blogging is the "can't keep a secret" issue I have.  When I was in grade school I once spilled the beans to a friend that her parents were having a surprise party for her.  I avoid people when I am trying to hide something because I am so afraid of being the spoiler.  I've done this when I've known about parties and also when I've had news to share.

Like when I've been pregnant.

No, I do not have any confirmation on that.  But, I feel like I wrote this last post and put it out there and then I couldn't take it back.  What was I thinking?

So, I've been laying low.  Well, also there have been a few other things going on.

Today I ran a 10K (6.2 mile) race.

I've been attending running class since I started the Learn to Run program back in March.  I ran the 5K and was happy that I did it, that I could legitimately call myself a runner.  And I decided to take the next step and train for the 10K.  I haven't written anything about the class.  Once again, not for lack of great stories and insights, but just because I can't find the time to write enough.

Oh, and I think I was afraid to put myself out there.  The pressure of it.  What if I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore?  Or I just wanted to keep it under the radar.  Not have people asking me and commenting and wishing me luck.  I didn't want to disappoint anyone, especially myself.

But it went well.  Despite the fact that I didn't stick with the program at the end and really slacked off.  Even though I was oh so tired.  And I am thrilled that I did it.  In a little over an hour.  Respectable.  It felt much better than the 5K.  And once again, I could go on and on, but am lacking the time and energy.

The first week of school, I was sick.  The second week, I had 2 Back to School Nights and a separate orientation for Jane.  Then while I was trying to get organized last week, I had the practice run for the race, card night and book group (where I once again didn't read the book). 

I hate, hate, hate feeling overwhelmed.  I have closets to sort, bills to organize, clothes to swap out, an office to straighten up, cleaning to do, birthdays coming up.  My father had an operation and my mother has been busy driving him around, oh and she passed out in the hospital with him because she is so stressed out and their friend died, who just so happens to have lived across the street from me.  I need to do something for these people and catch up on all the blogs.  And there is so much writing to do it is filling me up inside and I think I might burst.

For now, I will get some sleep (did I mention I am unusually tired?) and try to start my week by waking  up early and getting some things done.  Maybe I'll even post something worthwhile.

At least I can rest easily now that the race is over and I don't have to feel guilty about hiding that anymore.

I am surprised I was able to keep my mouth shut about it given my track record.

Comments

[Delilah]

Congrats on the 10K- you are my hero!

[Laura]

Lori-
Congrats on the 10K-what an accomplishment! I was cracking up @ the "blogalogue" comment-loved it! Sorry to hear about the chaos and guilt-I was getting hot flashes just reading about it. Yes, hot flashes-you don't even want to know!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Thanks guys!

I really did go to sleep as soon as I posted this, so it was great to wake up to the comments! I was feeling like blogging was one more thing I need to do, but you all reminded me that it is a GOOD thing, nonetheless!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

From my friend Dee who is having a fight with Typepad:

Lori,
Glad to hear the race went well. Very impressive. Great to see you face-to-face the other day, and your family too. These once every few years visits just don't cut it. I cheated and visited your blog even though I said I'd be gone for awhile. I've been bitten by the Blog Bug again. I wonder why you are so tired? Could it be?
-D.

[slouching mom]

I too am totally impressed by your running a 10K.

We're not going anywhere. Post when you have time.

[kristen]

Oh...get some rest!! I'm tired just reading about it!!

Hope the week is productive...

[Jordan Sadler]

You're so funny!

Congrats on the 10K, I'm so impressed!

And I know that feeling, that horrible overwhelmed feeling. Your list made *my* blood pressure go up, because I related so well to it.

Go easy on yourself and write when you can - we all look forward to hearing what you say when you have time to say it.