DO Try This at Home

The kids were playing outside this morning in the driveway while I was in and out of the house.  We have a fenced in backyard but sometimes they want to play basketball or color with chalk and that can only take place on the blacktop.  I know this is a risky thing to do because they are not protected by the enclosed fence and they are exposed to the road.  But the dog was out and she would bark if anyone came by and the kids know the rules about going to the end of the driveway. 

Besides all that, I was in and out, like I said.  Putting in laundry, then getting the mail, back in for more coffee, back out to pick up dog poop.  And I had to intervene entirely too much in what was going on.   Scott, you cannot throw the ball at her.  Work it out kids.  Jane, move away from under the basketball net if you don't want to get hit.  Scott, give her back her chalk.  Now what?  Why is someone crying? 

At one point I went outside and didn't see Scott.  I called for him and he sheepishly appeared from behind the car that was parked in the garage.  "What are you doing?"  I interrogated him.  He said he was sad but then wouldn't explain why.  I lost my patience and screamed, "GET IN THE HOUSE, NOW!!!"

Neither kid moved.  "NOW! NOW! FAST! RUN!!!"  I yelled.  The kids looked at me, but still did not move.

I stared at them.  They stared back at me.  I screamed like a raving lunatic.  "GET IN THE HOUSE!!  RUN!"

Finally, Scott walked slowly toward me.  Jane still stood by her chalk.  I continued to yell at her and wave my arms with the universal "come here" circle toward me.  Eventually, she walked into the garage and then the laundry room.

I was dazed and beyond angry.  Why didn't they come inside when I told them to?  Are they so used to me hollering that they don't notice?  Did they figure whatever evil might be lurking outside was better than their crazy mom inside the house?  What if some lunatic with a gun was out there and they just stood like statues in the driveway while I screamed?  Or do they know that I would have reacted differently, quietly grabbing them instead of yelling?

All I know for sure is that I felt completely powerless.  In a real emergency, I think my kids would be totally inept.

And it would be because of me.

So we had a big talk.  You know about how they need to do what I say especially if it is clear that I am hysterical.  Act first, question later.  Scott said, "But no one was out there".  Right.  But what if they were?  I now know that he has a false sense of security. 

I might need to do an experiment like Lynette on Desperate Housewives did.  Where she sent one of her coworkers to her house to see how gullible her kids were.  They walked right up to the car and would have been abducted in a second. 

Are my kids like that or is it just about me?  The mom who seems to have lost my position as credible authority.

Maybe I should come up with a secret word like "Shazam" that means "get your ass in the house as fast as humanly possible" in case of an emergency.

Or perhaps I need to just chill out.  I mean, would you have come running if someone was screaming at you?

Also, I named this post DO try this at home because I was going to include the story of my quest to join the "I Do Follow" movement, but I am still not done hunting down and replacing code.  Alas, maybe tomorrow.

Comments

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Laura - scary story, I am so glad Dallas did the right thing! Now if only we could teach him how to get back in the house when he gets locked out!
SM - I agree that the kids were just baffled by my behavior assuming that I was going to punish them once they got inside. The overwhelming thing I felt was powerless. Like they wouldn't even believe me if there was an emergency. It scared me and saddened me.

[slouching mom]

Lori: I'm not sure. Maybe it's because my kids are older (one's soon six, the other's soon ten), or maybe it's because I live in a tiny town -- but I allow them to play alone on the driveway all the time.

Do you think maybe your two were a bit frozen when they saw your reaction and had trouble seeing the precipitant?

I think kids have a self-preservation instinct that's stronger than we imagine -- when it's really put to the test.

But I know others who disagree with me.

[Laura]

That is scarey-but you'd be amazed how their own instincts put them into survival mode. I remember a time when we were shopping at KOP Mall and we lost Dallas. We were in Eddie Bauer and there were a lot of mirrors and he somehow found himself out of the store and into the crowd-it was the holidays too! The mirrors confused him. Anyway, I have always, always told my kids to find a lady, mommy, grandmom b/c women for the most part are more trustworthy and compassionate when it comes to a child. He found an old lady in a wheelchair and told her he was lost. We got him back safe, thank God! However, sometimes I do wish he'd get lost-just kidding!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Her Bad Mother sent me this comment via e-mail:

I wasn't able to login to comment on your post 'DO try this at home', but wanted to say that it was freaky and fascinating. Will absolutely be trying at home, when WB's a bit bigger.

- HBM http://www.badladies.blogspot.com/

[Delilah]

I think about this too. Such a big, scary world out there!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

Yes, I am sure my actions made the kids outright afraid! Either because I was just scary or they thought they'd get in bigger trouble once they got inside (why rush in for that?!).

I have seen advertisements for videos and I think I should get them. Scott also has the right answers about this stuff, but I want someone else to go over it with him (the experts!) Plus, maybe they have a better way to explain, "Why would someone want to take a child, Mommy?".

Scott is very smart but is laking in common sense. If he got lost somewhere he'd crumble up in a ball crying instead of finding a person in authority and reciting his stats and phone numbers that he surely knows.

[kristen]

I often wonder how my son would fare in an emergency. We've tried talking about it, and he gives the right answers, but who really knows?

He saw a commercial once on TV for a kids "safety" video. So we bought it for him. It was a wacky video, but the messages were dead on. Email me if you want more info on it.

Meanwhile, hang in there. In defense of your kids, I do think hysteria can be confusing. :)