Thursday was the last day of Kindergarten for Scott. The last day ever that he will only go to half day school and have me pick him up. The last time he will have the-best-teacher-in-the-whole-wide-world.
This year was so amazing. I watched him go from the unhappy, unpopular kid to the child who exceeded all school goals and had friends too.
Many people said, oh they grow up so fast. I know that is true and I am a little sad about that. I do wish sometimes that I could bottle the kids up at each age and take them out for fun when I miss them that way. I guess that is what a camcorder is for. I wouldn't really know since we never use ours. And many people also said, well you still have another one at home. Which is true. But Jane is Jane and Scott is Scott. Completely different children.
What I think has me so upset is that I won't be with him as much. Ever again.
In the beginning of Kindergarten I was so worried about Scott. There was much to be concerned about. His pre-Kindergarten year had been horrible. I kept writing to his Kindergarten teacher that I was so shocked at how well it was going in the beginning. I was sure the other shoe would drop. When he went to school all out of sorts after a weekend spent at a Phillies game, I was in a complete panic. His teacher told me he was not himself, but the next day he was fine. Life went on.
I would pick him up and he would jump into the car. "School was great!" he'd say and joke around with his friends. Yelling out the window, "I'll see you tomorrow!" I thought, he fits in. Even though he has certain issues, they are not things that set him so far apart anymore. I was amazed, he can do this, he is OK. We knew he would do fine academically, and he even surprised us a little with how far advanced he is, but the social part was the big gamble. It wasn't always smooth, as you'd expect it wouldn't be. But, overall, it was normal.
At home he would tell me all about his day, excitedly rehashing all he had learned. He loved his teacher and his friends. He soaked up everything that was going on and would share it all with us. When Jane took a nap, we did his reading program and played UNO and checkers. He played basketball with the neighbor or computer games. There was still plenty of time in the day.
Scott is, above all else, a fascinating individual. One time my neighbor called him intriguing. He can be frustrating, exhausting, and complicated. But when I get to be with him alone, we have great discussions. He can retell an event exactly as it happened and can describe what he is thinking and feeling with remarkable clarity. I love seeing the world through his eyes.
Certainly some of my feelings can be attributed to loss of control. Because I am home with them, I know pretty much everything my kids are doing. Even with Kindergarten, it was only a few hours out of the day when he was unaccountable. And I volunteered to help in the classroom often. For good or for bad, I was still in control.
In the fall he will ride the bus twice as much, be away from 8:45 am to 4 pm (sometimes even later), and only awake at home for a few hours. I won't be the largest sole influence in his life. I won't see or talk to him as much. There won't be enough time or memory of what happened for him to fill me in on most of his day away from me. He won't have lunch here with Jane and I during the week.
Of course this is what is supposed to happen. One more step into the outside world. One piece of growing up and moving on. All good, especially now that he is capable.
So I am adopting a new attitude. I am embracing summer. I know I wrote about how much of a hassle summer is and how I love when there is school, but knowing that these are the last days that I will be with Scott so much has me adjusting my attitude.
I do like lots of things about summer. The carefree way that kids play outside for hours, making up games and getting dirty. How a sprinkler or a water gun can make any kid happy. Popsicles outside. Impromptu trips to the water ice store up the street. Bike rides to Grammy's on hot nights. Catching fireflies. Eating green beans straight from the garden.
By the end of summer I should be sufficiently tired of both children to be excited about them going to as much school as possible. But, I know that, no matter what, a significant part of my mommy life is over. I have launched one kid into the world of his peers and his teachers. I am worried and sad.
But mostly, I will miss him.
d20Blonde Posted on Next year, I'm really hnpiog that we can coordinate with another family to split the cost of a nanny for the whole vacation. Or, you know, that we can have some grandparents stay with the kid. Either way will be fine with me.
Posted by: Carmella | May 26, 2012 at 11:01 PM
Thanks again, Kristen. We can blog our way through it together!
Posted by: Lori at Spinning Yellow | July 08, 2007 at 10:13 AM
Oh yes, I agree. My son is also going from half-day kindergarten to full-day 1st grade and it will be such a big step, big change for all of us. Like you, I will miss him.
Posted by: kristen | July 06, 2007 at 07:59 AM