There are many reasons why Matt and I are almost sure that we will not be having any other children. Among them are: not having enough money, me wanting to get back to work, a family of 4 seems right, me not wanting to be pregnant and breastfeed again (especially as I close in on being 40), fear that another child would upset the family dynamic, concern that the child might have "issues", not being able to go on trips we've been waiting to do, having to work around nursing and naps, confirming my suspicion that another child would turn me into a hassled, short-tempered, lunatic. There are a few good reason to have another baby, but we are leaning ever closer to not expanding our family.
At the top of the list of reasons why not, right now, is that I cannot potty train another kid! I am terrible at it and I can't take the frustration and embarrassment surrounding it. I think I am a pretty decent parent in most areas. Sure, I yell too much. I'm not as patient or as fun as other moms. But my kids go to bed and stay there. They eat decent meals the majority of the time. They can be taken out to restaurants and on trips. They say please and thank-you. They can even go to the grocery store reasonably under control.
But I am now onto my second absolute failure at potty training. I have tried sticker charts; giving her candy or toys; insisting that she sit on the toilet; leaving her alone; putting her in diapers, pull-ups, underwear or nothing; being silly; being mean; NONE OF IT WORKS.
When you look on line for advice it is all the same: wait until they are ready. If one more person gives me the same advice or tells me "no kid goes to college still wearing a diaper" my head is going to explode. Every one of the message boards have parents telling failures like myself to wait it out, they'll do it when they are ready. But then they go on to detail some trick they used. They didn't just let their kid do it. They did something.
She has to be potty trained for the preschool she is attending and quite frankly, she is ready. She just doesn't want to. It isn't all that convenient for her. I will ask her or bribe her or try peer pressure and she will just scream and run away and tell me she doesn't want to.
I know it has to come down to some kind of intervention. A 3 day period of no diapers and all that. Fights and lots of crying. I know I missed my window of opportunity. I should have trained her back when she was more agreeable and not so darn big.
If I ever did have another child I would do just that. Train them early like a good mom. The kind who is successful and doesn't let their kids get into power struggles.
Yeah, but I don't think I'll have that chance.
Thank god. I'm already exhausted.
tac - I love this logic! That way Matt can be responsible for potty training boys (boy parts, easier for men) AND girls (mom/daughter conflict)! Yes, we have tried having Matt take her to the bathroom and it doesn't work any better. And we told her about preschool too. It just doesn't seem to register yet, maybe when it gets closer.
I may have hope with gum, though. Her interest did peak a little when I told her she could get some. I'll be working that angle now and I'll keep you all posted!
Posted by: Lori at Spinning Yellow | June 28, 2007 at 09:03 PM
Okay - at the risk of stating the obvious, isn't preschool the incentive she needs or is she not interested in going? Don't worry, though, she won't go to coll...oops, sorry! Actually, Lori, not having girls myself so I'm only theorizing, but perhaps this is just her first of many(?) mother daughter battles.:) Is she more cooperative if Matt tries to take her to the potty?
Posted by: tac | June 27, 2007 at 10:11 PM
Thanks, at least I know I am not alone. And you guys are the people with 3 kids! I hope you were not offended. I was just thinking while writing this that the PT thing is so damn HARD and why is that? I have survived other childhood phases, but this hurdle is the worst (for me). And it makes me feel inadequate and not worthy of having another kid even if I thought I could handle all other issues.
Lori - I'd be wiping 3 asses too (not including my own) if I had another baby now! What will Linda H. think come fall? I finally got Jane into that school and now she won't be allowed to start!
Posted by: Lori at Spinning Yellow | June 27, 2007 at 09:37 PM
It is not a fun project to tackle. Sure, our Erick was technically potty trained, meaning he was out of diapers, but he used to walk around all the time with wet underwear, and it didn't bother him a bit. He'd be playing on the swings or whatever, and didn't feel like stopping, so he would just pee and keep on going. This happened until he was probably 4 years old. And since his sister is his clone, she'll probably be the exact same way!
Posted by: Dee | June 27, 2007 at 11:28 AM
I too am feeling the pressure of training Annabelle. I spent 2 full days sitting on the bathroom floor reading The 3 Little Pigs, only to have her pee the second she got off the potty and put her underpants on. I gave up and resigned myself to the reality that I will soon be wiping 3 rear ends.
Posted by: Delilah | June 27, 2007 at 09:32 AM