Lately I feel like my life is flying by at lightning speed. 2008 is practically half way done. I am about to turn 40. These children of mine are 7 and 4.
I am in a tunnel with images whizzing by:
Me, in the house I bought on my own 10 years ago.
Scott as a baby, looking out the window.
Jane taking her first boat ride at the tender age of 4 months old.
Me, in my car, the one I bought back when I lived in DC, on my way home from NY with my teeny-tiny puppy.
Scott trying to ride a bike, arguing with Matt when he was 4.
Jane desperately trying to suck her thumb after she broke her wrist.
Me, as a child, playing with my neighbor.
Me, in high school, college, my first job out of school.
Me, traveling with my friend in Europe.
Me, with an old boyfriend.
Matt and I on our honeymoon.
I see backward and forward. Snap shots captured in time. A million small moments. A lifetime already. And yet I know I have so much more of my life to live. Time is moving so quickly. This must be what old people feel. This sense of having experienced so much. Of the treadmill gaining speed and you can barely hang on. The years flying by. Christmas then Summer in the blink of an eye.
There is a certain Ground Hog Day quality to my life. Here I am doing the laundry again. Fixing up the morning medicines. Putting out the toothbrushes. Oh, Jane peed on the floor again? Oh, Scott is complaining that his stomach hurts? Matt shaking his head, we need to organizing things around here. Another baseball game. Another birthday party.
How is it possible to simultaneously feel like my life is speeding by and also be so bored by much of the day to day?
This time warp of days crawling by with dulling monotony and years piling up so fast I can't keep them straight?
Even as I write this, it sounds absurd. My life is far from boring. In fact, I often think that I need to figure out a way to make things slow down, to simplify, to, well, make things less chaotic. Yet, even the unexpected has become predictable. Am I just getting older and nothing surprises me anymore? Is it that I need to shake things up a bit, break out of my routines?
I do know this: The saying, "The days go by slowly but the years go by fast" has never felt more relevant than right now.